Have you ever been described as kind, eccentric, deeply introverted, or reserved? Do you find that your perception of the world differs from that of others? Are you susceptible to becoming overstimulated and quickly experiencing burnout? Have you ever felt the urge to retreat and hide away for a few days after attending a party or interacting with a large group of people? If you find yourself answering YES to most or all of these questions, congratulations, you may identify as a Highly Sensitive Person, often referred to as an HSP.
There is nothing to worry about, and in fact, this is not some kind of neurological diagnosis. Instead, it is a genetically determined trait — you were born this way, and it is truly beautiful because you perceive the world on a deeper level.
Well, what does it mean? It means that this trait is an inherent part of your being, your nature, and you cannot simply get rid of it. However, you can make diligent efforts to apply various techniques that help minimize the overstimulating effects of the competitive world we live in.
My recent discovery revolves around the contradiction between a person being shy and being a Highly Sensitive Person. The difference lies in the origin of these traits. As mentioned earlier, being a Highly Sensitive Person is an inherent gift from birth, whereas shyness is an acquired or learned trait that may stem from certain events in a person’s life. In some cases, shyness might have even served as a protective mechanism.
“Shyness, even chronic shyness, is not inherited. Sensitivity is. And while chronic shyness does develop more in HSPs, it needn’t. I have met many HSPs who are almost never shy.” — Elain N. Aron
To be introverted, on the contrary,
“…is simply to turn inward, towards the subject, the self, rather than outward toward the object.” — author
To me, it means that introverts can also find joy in the company of others, engaging in communication and participating in activities outside, while still needing time to recharge their inner power and replenish their resources. I often joke that such a person could be referred to as an “extroverted introvert” or vice versa.
The author of the book “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive when the World Overwhelms You” developed the acronym DOES to encapsulate this trait. Here’s a brief overview of what each letter represents.
D is for Depth of Processing
It is the ability to process everything at a deeper level. Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) exhibit this trait consistently, whether they are aware of it or not. They possess truly unique approaches when it comes to remembering things. What I have observed in myself is that despite my inner critic believing that I comprehend or learn something at a highly advanced level, I am still capable of effectively conveying that information when the need arises. However, you often might experience imposter syndrome, with an inner voice screaming, “You don’t know it, you loser!”
O is for Overstimulation
Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) are highly susceptible to overstimulation caused by various external factors — bustling cities, vibrant social gatherings, intense emotions from friends, and the struggle to establish emotional boundaries (as HSPs tend to absorb everything like a sponge). It takes time for them to return to their “normal” state. However, this challenge can be effectively addressed by seeking moments of silence, creating personal time for oneself, and intentionally isolating from the external noise that pervades this chaotic world.
E is for Emotional Reactivity
The letter “E” in the acronym DOES also represents Empathy. Have you ever noticed how challenging it is for you to detach yourself from the emotions or problems that your friends share with you? At times, you might find yourself experiencing a heightened level of emotional response, shedding tears alongside your friends or even coworkers, as you deeply feel the same pain and devastation that they do. It’s as if you have a built-in copy machine within you. This can be truly overwhelming and draining, depleting your energy.
The flip side of being an HSP is that they tend to be highly creative individuals who perceive the world in unique ways. They have a keen eye for nuances, appreciate the beauty of nature, and find solace and inspiration in the realm of music. Therefore, if you identify as an HSP, it is advisable to set aside dedicated time each day to listen to music that resonates with you or to engage in meditation accompanied by the calming sounds of rain or birds chirping. In fact, incorporating meditation practices into your routine can be immensely beneficial for HSPs.
S is for Sensing the Subtle
Read also, intuition. It plays a significant role for HSPs. They have a heightened sensitivity to subtleties, allowing them to make better decisions and thoroughly weigh the pros and cons in various situations. However, at times, this thoroughness can lead to exhaustion. In such cases, it can be helpful to seek guidance from a coach or therapist to address and manage this aspect.
“This greater awareness of the subtle tends to make you more intuitive, which simply means picking up and working through information in a semiconscious or unconscious way. The result is that you often “just know” without realizing how.” — Elain N. Aron
At times, our exceptional ability to perceive nuances that others overlook can elicit negative reactions from them. Coupled with labels like “shyness” and “weirdo,” many people struggle to comprehend the vast ocean of an HSP’s inner world. Furthermore, when we are depleted of energy and resources, this trait becomes weakened, leading to a higher likelihood of making mistakes compared to our usual selves.
Perhaps the most significant revelation I gleaned from the aforementioned book was the pivotal role of upbringing in shaping how we navigate and cope with the nature of being a highly sensitive person. The way our caregivers raised us, whether they encouraged independent exploration and understanding of our instincts, desires, and needs, or if they were overly protective, greatly influences how we currently prioritize self-care. This realization was a profound insight that deeply resonated with me.
This quote below also echoed. It goes:
“It is true that even when exhausted you still are providing something to those you serve. But you are out of touch with your deepest strengths, role-modeling self-destructive behavior, martyring yourself, and giving others cause for guilt. And in the end you will want to quit…or be forced to by your body.” — Elain N. Aron
Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) must exert a tremendous effort to recognize when their energy levels are approaching zero and then consciously pause to recharge. It’s akin to refueling your car — you monitor that, don’t you? So why not apply the same principle to nourishing your physical and emotional “engine”? It, too, requires energy.
Recognizing and acknowledging the presence of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) in the business world is an urgent and vital topic that psychologists have brought to the forefront. Unfortunately, not many businesses fully comprehend the unique qualities of HSPs, even though these individuals are often highly valued for their attention to detail and creativity. Organizations tend to overlook a crucial aspect: HSPs may not always fit seamlessly into the fast-paced, competitive corporate environment due to their different nature. This can present significant challenges, as HSPs may find themselves overworking without informing their managers. Even when managers are aware of this, they may perceive HSPs as slow workers and exert pressure on them to perform faster and harder.
HSPs need to recognize that their traits deserve proper appreciation and should not be overexploited. Advancing on the career ladder can be particularly challenging for them, as HSPs generally dislike engaging in office politics or participating in the competitive “where-I-see-myself-in-5-years” race with their peers. It simply goes against their nature. Consequently, coworkers or managers might misconstrue their lack of active participation as disinterest, weakness, or lack of motivation, and even interpret it as arrogance. In such cases, it is advisable for HSPs to develop a habit of expressing positive words and initiating friendly conversations unrelated to work. While you might assume your kind and positive attitude is evident, in reality, it may not be as apparent to others.
Asking for a promotion poses another significant challenge for many HSPs, who often grapple with imposter syndrome. In such cases, I recommend creating a file where you can document your accomplishments, victories, and words of appreciation from coworkers. This tangible evidence serves as a reminder that you are indeed making progress and deserving of recognition.
Navigating the world as a highly sensitive person can be arduous, but it is accompanied by a greater purpose. I appreciate how the author eloquently expressed it:
“Following the thinking of Carl Jung, I see each life as an individuation process, one of discovering the particular question you were put on earth to answer.” — Elain N. Aron
Discover your mission, the question that resonates with your profound, highly sensitive, and exquisitely beautiful nature.