One small step at a time

· Psychology

Let’s talk about habits. We all have heard about the 21-day rule when you commit to a habit and consistently follow it, and then it sticks with you, but is it REALLY so? In fact, it is not.

It all started with a misinterpretation of a quote by Dr. Maxwell Martz who noticed that it took approximately 21 days for their clients to heal from operations.

These, and many other commonly observed phenomena tend to show that it requires a minimum of about 21 days for an old mental image to dissolve and a new one to jell.” — source.

Having published his book called “Psycho-Cybernetics,” many sources slightly changed it from “it takes a minimum of about 21 days” to “it takes 21 days” to form a new habit. The new research shows that it might actually take approximately 66 days (for sure, that depends on a habit itself, a person, outside circumstances, and other factors).

So, when we peel off the layers and try to find the exact number, well, there is none. Sometimes, it might take 21 days, sometimes it will be 66 days, or less, or even more. There’s no specific timeline to follow and what’s more important, we can and are ALLOWED TO mess up. Say what? Yes, we are human beings, and it’s in our nature to fall a little bit off the track sometimes, but it does not mean it will ruin your overall progress (if you’re not a perfectionist or an achiever like I am, but that is also okay).

Well, here’s the deal and I will just throw it at you right away. Have you ever tried to write down all those habits, all those dreams, and goals, while sipping a cup of coffee or cinnamon cocoa during those cozy winter nights? Right, I am talking about the new-year-resolutions-in-the-magical-season-of-Christmaskind of a setting. After a few months, you have completely forgotten about those. Sound familiar? Well, here’s the deal.

What if I tell you that in this case the dreams, the goals, the habits you are trying to form aren’t exactly yours? What if I tell you that the foremost intention was not drawn from your heart in your trying to conform to what you think is expected from you or what is expected to do, because, well, everyone does it? Here’s what you need to do, and this is my secret recipe for you to ignite the flame of inspiration and truly understand what is that you truly want to do. Yes, exactly YOU WANT TO, not YOU HAVE TO.

Define the real WHYs behind why you need this or that habit to appear across the lines of that daily planner of yours. It will not only keep you connected to follow through on the completion of your goals or dreams, but it also feels much better when it is tied to your inner desires, higher sense of being, and value that you hold on to.

For example, if you want to add morning exercises just because that well-known influencer says to do so and you feel guilt in trying yet another time to wake up earlier, well, this habit won’t last for long. But when your higher purpose is to feel more vibrant, healthier, have more energy spark joy, and feel your body, then, congratulations — this is your WHY. And that relates to practically every goal or dream. Put it on hold, when you’re feeling it’s not quite the right timing, or you’re drained of energy because of fulfilling one more important dream of yours. In fact, by prioritizing, you’ll decrease the chances of falling headlong on the slope of burnout.

Take a few minutes to get clear on the intentions, does it click when you’re thinking of it, or does your whole body tense up in feeling this resistance? What value will it bring? Is it actually for you or just to please someone else?

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The formula is as follows:

After/Before [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT]

For example, your current habit is reading a book before going to bed. A new habit could be introducing an evening meditation right after reading the book or doing some evening stretching before reading this same book. Another example could be when you are brewing this morning cup of coffee, just sit down, smell this heavenly aroma, and write this page of gratitude journal, or the morning pages, or just meditate for three minutes. Everything boils down to this simplicity, and believe me this is okay if it is not repeated daily.

Remember: just take this one small step at a time.